My dad’s excuse for everyone and everything is one of two things.

1. They are smoking dope.

2. The homosexuals. 

EX:  ”You want to watch Tropic Thunder? What, are you smoking dope?”

“Taxes have gone up. It’s those damn homosexuals.”

“Erica, what’s wrong with you? are you datin’ girls or smokin’ dope?”

God bless him. 

ambassador-of-anguish:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

This is perfect.

I earned 160 points for my workout on Fitocracy!

• Walking +67 pts

  • 0:15:00 || 1.0 mi || flat (+40 pts)
  • 0:20:00 || 1.0 mi || flat (+27 pts)
  • Walked from the car to the concert 1 mile there and 1 mile back…. IN HEELS! :D

• Country-Western Dancing +93 pts

  • 2:00:00 || Broke a Sweat (+93 pts)
  • I was drunk.. but I danced anyway lmao… WOO HOO! Thanks Craig Morgan for being my current inspiration.

Think you can beat me, or want to comment?

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of-the-sweetest-tea:

autumnyte:

fasterwouldbebetter:

I read the teacher in Siri’s voice…